Kate

I was watching a programme about hospitals and I suddenly felt a lump – it had been there for a month. I had 34 lymph glands taken out and then I had to have my breast taken off. I just got on with it though and went back to work a year after. Five years later, I had my other breast removed after my arm started swelling up. I actually never missed my breasts but the drugs I had to take did make me put a lot of weight on. My partner was very supportive though and just wanted me to be myself.

In 2005, I found I was getting out of breath and losing a lot of weight, I knew the cancer was back and eventually the doctors believed me when they found fluid on the lungs and a blood clot as well. The cancer’s now spread to my liver and bones. In 2008, I thought I was having a stroke and it turned out to be a brain tumour and I had to go to Southampton for treatment for 12 days.

Every day is different, sometimes I find myself slurring and my balance goes, I’m too proud to walk with a stick so instead people just think I’m drunk! I was asked out right once by someone if I’d had cancer, when she saw I had no breasts and no hair, and I was ok with this – I’d prefer people would talk to me about it openly than to run away.

After my hair started falling out, I tried a wig on and quite liked looking like a different person so started to wear them. It was actually more to show off as I preferred being natural and liked being bald. When I went out ’au natural’ people used to stare, but it annoyed my husband more than me. I have four wigs, one made me look like Pat Butcher and the other like Peggy Mitchell from Eastenders! After my hair had started to grow back last year, I cut it right down– I gave myself quite a shock when I looked in the mirror and saw my son looking back at me!

My motto in life is "don’t worry be happy!" If it wasn’t for the support of all the staff, I truly believe I wouldn’t be here today as I would have given up. The space and gardens of Clarkson House are a welcome break for me and I really enjoy coming. Everybody here – the nurses, the admin and kitchen staff are all my angels, they’re wonderful. I’ve met so many lovely people, they’re like my family and in fact sometimes coming here is better than coming home!

I’d tell anyone arriving at Clarkson House for the first time, not to be afraid. When I first came, I was very shy and didn’t know anyone, I’m not at all like that now. It’s not like you’d imagine a hospice to be, we never stop laughing and some people do get better and go home.

I have generally been very lucky in life although I lost my mum and then my son Jason eight years ago when he was just 32. It was such an awful time but I am stronger for it now. My other son is now heading towards 40 and I am determined to be here for that! I am fortunate to come from a very strong family, my mum and brother were the same, very positive about things and we’ve always been cheerful.

I don’t let the cancer rule my life, although I know it’s just a matter of time and I have lost friends as a result because I can’t go out and do what I used to be able to do. Some days I have a good old cry about things, especially when I hear of other people – particularly children - being in a bad way. Some days cleaning my tiny two bedroom flat can take me a whole day, but I take each day as it comes and set myself different goals to keep me going. You have to take each day as it comes; I know my limits and I generally get a lot more tired now. I’d like lots more years but I’m going to carry on for as long as I can, setting myself daily targets to make me do it.

My advice to anyone with cancer would be to keep going as best you can and to be as normal as you can. When you get a bad day, accept it’s a bad day and get on with it because a good day will come. In terms of supporting people with cancer, be there for them, be positive but be normal and treat them with respect.

Having cancer has definitely made me a better person, I’m generally a lot nicer and think of others a lot more now. That said, I have become cheekier and I have an answer for everything so if someone deserves an answer, they’ll sure get it!